My multiple personalities are all named Grace. I aspire to be like Grace Kelly the Princess of Monaco, regal and respected. But most days I am more like Gracie Allen, the comedienne wife of George Burns. Her greatest strength was playing the ditz, a role I relish. And days that I pull on my black leather chaps and wrap my arms 'round my husband to cruise on the Harley, I feel like Grace Slick, female rocker and all around bad-mamma-jamma.

Thursday, October 28, 2004


Tonight was Trick-or-Treat night in my neighborhood. (I had never heard the term "Beggar's Night" until I moved to Ohio.) I set out my once-a-year, terra cotta, jack-o-lantern luminaries in a semicircle around my chair and the scarecrow, and I set up the candy distribution center in my driveway.

Overall, this year's costumes weren't as impressive as last year's when one big-for-his-age kid came in a suit and tie, carrying a bouquet of helium balloons and a giant check proclaiming me the winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

There were the too-cute-for-words babies... an alligator, a cowboy, a princess. As cute as they are, it burns me that the parents are really getting candy for themselves. Sure, dress up the 1 year old and take pictures, but do you really need to go door-to-door to get chocolate for the baby?

There were the pre-adolescent enthusiasts... Harry Potters, firemen and policemen, old ladies and 50s girls in poodle skirts. Their goal is to run to as many houses as they can in the 90 minutes. Which is why one particular pair had me in stitches. Two boys dressed up as "fat, bald, old men." They had wrapped themselves in foam padding and were wearing sweats. But they walked like the little brother in "A Christmas Story." There was no way they could get up if they fell. They couldn't bend knees or arms and could barely go house to house. And since speed is the purpose of pre-adolescent boys, I think they discovered quickly that a good idea had turned bad. After watching them painstakingly walk to two houses, I saw them later on skateboards. Problem solved!

And there were the teenagers without costumes. I was so tempted not to give them any candy since they were too old and obviously in it only for the loot, but I was aware that my home would be a target for egg bombs or T.P.-ing. Besides, Tom told me to be extra generous this year because we have a Bush/Cheney sign in our yard. "We want people to know that Republicans are generous with their candy."


  • At 2:44 AM, Blogger Kitsch said…


    Get this - at my mom's church, they have "Trunk or Treat" for the kids, and what happens is the adults all line their cars up in the church parking lot and the kids go from car to car collecting candy out of people's trunks. Is that twisted or what?

    PS I have lived in Ohio all of my life and have never heard the term "Beggar's Night." Weird.

  • At 11:53 AM, Blogger TheSkylark said…

    That's freakin' hilarious! I read the end paragraph to the other tutors in the Write Place because it cracked me up. (Nikki laughed, too.)


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